It was a pretty innocuous statement. It landed very wrong.

A simple conversation between acquaintances, drummed up by an Instagram story reaction which led to many back and forth messages and, finally, a three-word sentence that fires me up more than any other.

“You’re so lucky,” they said, in response to my explaining that my day that day was going to be a mix of home duties to catch up from our trip and work duties to catch up, and also try to get ahead so I’d have more flexibility over the remainder of the week.

“Yes, I am incredibly fortunate to have been laid off whilst pregnant,” I replied.

You won’t be shocked to learn our conversation ended. I wasn’t shocked to realize, a couple of days later, that I’ve been unfollowed.

OK, bye!

– – –

Luck is winning the lottery. It’s finding $30 in a secondhand jacket you picked up for $10 at the thrift store. It’s winning a giveaway or finding a four-leaf clover.

It’s swiping right and the other person did too, and they don’t turn out to be a complete psychopath. (I had this luck, once. He’s still not sure if he was lucky or not.)

Luck isn’t hard work and hard work isn’t luck, though it’s easy to want to believe that’s the case.

I’m lots of things but lucky isn’t one of them. (Trust me.)

– –

Real talk: I won’t pretend that my success hasn’t happened, in part, as the result of starting from a privileged position. Of course it does.

I had the privilege to attend post-secondary education. I have the privilege of living in a double-income household. I have the privilege of being able to lean on my partner financially and emotionally.

But the rest? That’s all me.

I know that I have a LOT of privilege, but I also know that privilege does not necessarily equal success.

I’ve busted my ass to learn and hone my skills. I’ve put in the hours and the tears to work through big challenges. I have built and fostered relationship over months and years. I’ve gone above and beyond in my work in order to be invited back to the table or to have my name shared.

And, I understand why someone might look in from the outside and think it’s luck. If I’m honest, I used to think some people were lucky because they had nice things or cool jobs. Life, as it were, has taught me otherwise.

–

The truth is that the last two months have been really hard. There have been late nights and sleepless nights. Early mornings. Long calls. Much budgeting and finagling and pitching and trying to learn how to better advertise.

– –

What they meant was that they wanted more flexibility, or perhaps that they’d like to “be their own boss”.

What they see is someone who makes her own hours, but what they don’t see is that those hours sometimes begin at 5am and last well past bedtime.

They don’t see the last-minute requests.

They don’t see the many bosses I really answer to.

The competing priorities.

The weeks of wondering when (or in some cases, IF) I’ll get paid.

– – –

When I first sat down and began writing this post, the day after the convo in question, I’ll confess: I was still a little fired up. While the comment still irks me, I’ve come far enough away from the initial piss-off to concede that I do know exactly where they’re coming from.

If I go back in time to working in a job I hated, where my life didn’t feel fulfilling, when my worries were many and it felt like I would never “make it”, it was really easy to look at people who I thought had it easier or somehow handed to them and feel disdain and resentment.

It was easier to believe they were simply “lucky” than to accept that, maybe they’d made lemonade while I continued to cry about my sours.

But, to simplify the success of others to “good luck” is a limiting belief. If we marry ourselves to that mindset, we can never get ahead or grow.