Life is full of many things I can’t control. Take, for example, the weather. If I had control of that, I certainly would not have spent 67 minutes in my car making a 20 minute drive today because this snow wouldn’t be falling. I cannot control the behaviour of others, nor can I control time.
And I certainly wasn’t in control of losing my job this week.
But I have total control over my attitude and how I react to bad news, like being told the Monday after I’ve signed my lease and finalized the registration process for F’s new preschool that I won’t have a job anymore.
If you’ve ever lost your job, you know the horrible feeling that comes over you. If you haven’t, I hope you never do. My stomach immediately began to hurt, my body went numb and my head began exploding. How am I going to survive? How am I going to survive? What am I going to do? How can this be happening?
My manager was taking the news worse than I initially, as she handed me the official letter of termination. “It’s not your fault,” she assured me. “We’d love to keep you, but budgets…” and she looked away. I assured her it was OK. These things happen. And she told me I was taking it really well.
And then, I left work and called my mom as I walked down Barrington Street crying. Then I sat in my car for a few minutes sobbing. And then I drove home, crying the whole way. And then I threw myself on the couch and I cried and cried and cried. And then I washed my face, turned on my computer and made a plan.
I don’t always get to decide what happens in the world around me, but I can decide to make the most of it. I left an amazing job that I absolutely loved for this opportunity, and while that smarts a little, I won’t dwell on that. I had two great opportunities, and I decided to explore something new. It’s been a great experience, if short-lived.
And now I’ve got a new chapter to write.
5 thoughts on “#Uncontrollable”
Sweet Jeebus, Ash…
I feel confident that before the end of March you will have a job…..an even better job!! If anybody can, you can!!
Landing on your feet is something you do well.
You are like the buttery side of a slice of bread. If it falls, it’s *so* going to be the part that lands squarely on its “feet” and when it isn’t falling it’s the sunshine-y, happy-making yummy part hat everyone is happy exists.
Don’t you worry.
Something great is waiting just around the next corner.
Really autocorrect? Ugh.