Last week, I landed myself in Twitter Jail for the first time.

It felt like a milestone, honestly, though I wish it had been for something cooler.

I suppose, in fairness, I did tell this person I hoped they stubbed their toe in a subsequent tweet – in response to when they suggested I needed to reevaluate my life priorities.

But, I digress.

While I’m sure some believe I could have used better language to convey my message, I remain confident that I said exactly what I wanted to. As a communications professional, I’ll be the first one to admit I love a good f-bomb and this particular comment incensed me beyond that three-word reply.

The notion that people “let someone else” raise their kids because they send them to daycare is ludicrous.

For starters, gone are the days of the 1940’s-1950’s housewives and young, growing families getting by – and even thriving – on single incomes. Many families have two working parents because it’s a necessity. Rising costs of literally everything make it hard for many even then.

In our case, I’ll be the first to admit that I’m very privileged to be in a position where – if I wanted to – I actually could stay home full-time and not work. Instead, I stay home and I work. It’s actually a pretty brilliant situation.

I work for several reasons:

• I want to have and provide nice things for my family.
• I spent a lot of time, energy, and money on my education and career.
• I love what I do.
• I’m teaching my kids about hard work.

In an age of (ongoing and stupid) Mommy Wars, where it often feels like you’re damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t, most women I know feel like they just can’t win. If they’re not mothers, they’re not whole. If they are mothers, they should or shouldn’t be working mothers – depending on who you talk to. As women, we constantly fight an uphill battle to “have it all” but everyone seems to have a different definition of what that all actually is.

I have a deep conviction that it’s up to us to define our all.

My all is not my friend’s all. It’s not your’s. It’s no one else’s. My all is like my fingerprint; it’s entirely my own.

For me, “all” means building my business, continuing on my career path, and getting to be all of the parts of me: mom, friend, writer, professional, partner. It means giving my sons experiences and opportunities that enrich their lives. I, personally, believe that includes daycare or other childcare solutions, attending school, playing sports, and more. It includes one-on-one time with their parents, group family time, alone time, and building relationships outside of our home.

In my experience, anyone who is anti-childcare is anti-women and anti-family. They don’t believe in giving women or families the freedom of choice, to choose what’s best for their unique circumstances. They don’t believe that women are entitled to have fulfilling lives, that may (or may not) include careers.

And, to be quite frank, I do think they should fuck off. xo