I don’t remember what I was wearing. I don’t remember the weather that day. But I do remember exactly how it felt when the words “Your role has been impacted,” were spoken. I remember how, all of a sudden, the room got really small and Marc, who was standing in the other room, seemed so far away. I remember turning to the window and covering my face as I started to cry. Marc said, “Don’t worry,” and I said, “I just got laid off.”

Like any person who is unexpectedly laid off in the midst of restructuring, I felt a multitude of emotions.

I was angry. I was scared. I was sad.

Looking back, it’s hard to believe more than a year has passed since that day. In the immediate aftermath of my layoff, I got to work setting up my business and I shared the news exactly one year ago, yesterday. My third baby, amPR Inc., was launched a little less than six months before we welcomed our final baby. And I’ll be honest: it’s been a trip.

Transparently, the last six months have been some of the hardest months of my life. Raising a new baby, a toddler, and a teenager while getting a small business off the ground has been a challenge and a half. I don’t regret a second of it, and I look back on how we navigated those early weeks postpartum with a lot of pride, but it’s been hard. I had my best month in business when E was three months old. It was a whole family effort, though. M picked up a lot of parenting slack. F became the Chief Dog Walker. S was very cute on calls. E did us a favour by sleeping.

A dear friend asked me yesterday what I’ve learned in a year of being in business for myself. It was hard to answer because there’s been so much. But the biggest thing I’ve learned is that I really CAN do this. A year ago, I was trying to be brave as I made my announcement. Today, I am the epitome of “fake it til you make it.”

I made it.

I’ve been able to reflect on all of the times in the past when my imposter syndrome got the better of me, when I inquired about a raise or promotion and was told I wasn’t leadership material or that I was overpaid, when I was told that no one would hire the single mom, when I was told I was throwing my life away having a baby at 22, when hiring managers passed me over because I didn’t have a degree; I’ve been able to reflect on all of the people who gave me chances, who cheered me on, who kept their own fears or doubts to themselves so I wouldn’t second-guess myself, who offered advice or a shoulder to cry on; I’ve been able to reflect on all of the GOOD that came from being laid off and I am so grateful.

(And also, honestly, I’m fucking exhausted.)

A year later, my business doesn’t look like I thought it would a year ago. I’m not working with the industries I thought I would. I’m working on projects I could never have imagined. And it’s all happened organically, so far. I had the pleasure of spending a whole year with one client before we parted ways and I felt so connected with their team. I’m working with a client right now who have become dear friends.

For all of the hard parts, it’s ultimately been more rewarding than I could have ever anticipated.