I have often said that we can only make our choices for today. And, sometimes, the choices are easy and exciting to make. But not always.

Back in November, I wrote this post and then forgot to publish it. Oops! Fast-forward nine months (gag) and I have made the choice to return my Peloton rental and return to the gym. Why? Because the time was right for me to make a different choice. But, honestly… It was really hard to make this choice. I love the Peloton. I love being able to simply go to the basement and get a 20-minute workout in. I love throwing a bodyweight class on the TV in the living room and grabbing 15-minutes for me in the middle of the day.

And, I can still do lots of those things (except for the bike, obvs) without my Peloton and membership but it’s not quite the same and I felt – and still feel – a little pang of sadness at the fact that I’m making today’s choice based on what’s best for me.

Here’s what I wrote in November when I first started writing this post:

If you know me at all, you know I love to move my body. I lost more than 50lbs when Finley was a toddler and exercise became an integral part of my life. Over the years, I’ve been fortunate enough to be able to do whatever form of movement tickled my fancy: I’ve run and boxed, cycled and stretched, done pilates, barre, danced, lifted heavy weights, and walked miles and miles and miles. It’s no surprise, then, that I began thinking about the movement that would fit into my life as a mom of three approximately 3 seconds after we got home from the hospital.

For weeks, I poked around at various fitness studios and gym memberships. After FIVE years at a particular brand/family of fitness studios, it feels weird to imagine trying something new. But, I also felt ready to step outside of my comfort zone. There’s just one problem: it’s currently damn near impossible to step a foot outside of my house.

With a full-time business on my hands, two under two and a teenager whose hockey schedule keeps us busy, getting out of the house for myself is hard. Even going for walks is meticulously planned around when E needs to eat and when my next meeting is scheduled!

I perused my options and considered. The average class-based fitness studio monthly membership is about $150 before tax and the class times can be tricky to swing with work and kids. Our family membership at the gym allows us to come and go as we please, but I love the accountability of classes. And, most of the classes are things I need to drive to – which means a 45-minute workout becomes a 90-minute excursion.

Like a lot of things, I realised I need to make a decision based on my life today. If I try to make decisions based on what I want my life to look like down the road, I’m setting myself up for failure.

The reality is I don’t currently have the time or space to take 90-minutes out of my day every day to pack up and go to a workout class at a time that might not fit my schedule. The reality is I’m in survival mode. The reality is I’m not on the maternity leave I had with S, where my days were unscheduled and making it to a 9:30am or 12pm class was absolutely up to me and my own wants and convenience.

But, the reality is also that not working out is not an option. I need the movement and I need the time for me to be healthy and strong. I need it so I can show up as a better mom, a better partner, a better professional, and a better version of myself.

So I ordered a Peloton.

The rental option rings in at roughly the same as the average class-based gym membership. I could pretend that I went with this option simply for the “cost savings”. But mostly, it means I have access to countless workout classes and the equipment I need to fit fitness in at home. I have a finite number of hours in my day. Doubling the amount of time I need to get to a fitness class or trying to work my schedule around a studio’s class times isn’t a good use of my hours. It’s the same reason why I have groceries delivered and hired cleaners. If it makes my life just a little bit easier right now, it’s worth it.

And, since the Peloton arrived 11 days ago, I’ve used it daily – for yoga and Pilates, spin and HIIT and more. I even do meditations through the app – something I’d moved away from and am glad to have found my way back to. I often do more than one workout a day, breaking my movement up into manageable workouts slotted in when I have the time to commit.

Making decisions based on today so I can meet goals tomorrow was hard. It’s not always easy to accept that we can’t have precisely what we want or have become accustomed to having.