It’s almost impossible to describe how perplexing the passing of time can be. Somehow, fifteen years have come and gone. Fifteen years of memories, highs and lows, heartaches, laughter, hugs, high fives, hockey games, mini road trips, date days, and spats. Fifteen years of motherhood. Fifteen years of F.

It’s now 11:30am and, while I can’t remember precisely what I was doing at this exact moment fifteen years ago, I’d wager my best bet that this was about the time my water broke while I paced the hallways of the hospital, hours after I’d been induced as I desperately tried to speed things up.

I bet I walked a half marathon around the hospital that day.

Overdue and exhausted, I could scarcely see past the imminent delivery of a baby boy I loved so much already that it hurt. As I walked and worried about what would come next, I don’t think I could have begun to imagine what the next fifteen years would hold in store for us.

To be honest, I was too young and naive myself to truly understand what motherhood would bring.

At 7:55pm, Finley made me a mother. For the fifteen years since then, he’s taught me how to be a mom.

He has taught me about unconditional love and patience; everything I did (and didn’t) want to know about dinosaurs, hockey, Minecraft, or some other current interest; about mending broken hearts and broken toys; of imagination and dreaming bigger.

Fifteen years is a long time, but as any parent will tell you, time loses all sense of meaning when you have children. Somehow, fifteen years has become a blur — a blip in time. It feels like time is speeding up every year.

And there’s not a damn thing I can do about it.

So, we’ll forge on. We’ll meet sixteen and nineteen whether we’re ready for them or not (and, to be clear, I am NOT ready).

I’ll continue to try my best and learn from F. I’ll get hit in the heartstrings by memories featuring old photos that pop up when I least expect them, of gummy smiles and dinosaur-obsessed grins, and I’ll be grateful for them as we make new memories to carry into the future.

Happy birthday, Finley.