Your life looks like so much fun, the message began. I’ve been following you for a while and I’m so jealous! I wish my life was like yours.
My heart breaks as I’m biting my tongue to try to not to rush to F’s defence; letting him cry it out when he’s done wrong and had to be disciplined; watching him try to fix things for himself.
There are critical issues in my life that need to be addressed first. I need to eat well. I need to take care of myself. Once I’ve done these things, I can take care of my son. Then I can take care of my work. Then I can take care of the house.
My many negative feelings about my adoption have affected every aspect of my life, and while I’ve come to terms with and released those negative feelings, I’m not blind to the way they’ve shaped my life.
They are, after all, the reason why I answer to Mama today.
My reality is working through swimming lessons since I can’t join him, anyway. It’s eating in a hurry so we can get to bed on time; doing laundry at 4 am because we ran out of socks.