single mom

Comfortable Discomfort

It’s been a long year.

On New Year’s Eve last year, J and I sat in our new home drinking wine and discussing how much we looked forward to 2012. We talked having another baby, his going back to school, F growing up, and buying a home in Halifax. I meant every word I said, I wonder now if he meant any of them. A month later, we had agreed to separate.

This morning was hardly the first time I’ve found myself looking back, comparing my then and now. It’s not even comparable.

If I lay it all out on paper, the list of good things is a lot longer than the list of bad. In March, I scored a job I always thought I wanted – I was dining room manager at a popular restaurant. Me. Management material? My joy was shortlived when I had to leave due to personal issues in August, but I learned a lot and made an impression on the community.

I gave up my home – the home that I had spent hours and energy making my own – but I’ve settled comfortably and happily into my new apartment. I returned to school and for the first time in years, I made myself a priority. For the first time in my life, I’ve stopped denying myself the emotions I needed to feel.

The past six weeks alone were filled with enough BS for a whole year. The apartment fiasco itself was enough, actually. The stress of moving, the stress of leaving F, the stress of coming back to school… sheesh. I can’t count the times I laid in bed wondering if I’d made a big mistake.

I didn’t.

My blog has skyrocketed in the past month. I hit my six-month goal in less than three. I’ve been offered a contract writing position.

I applied for a Public Relations job for giggles, went to the interview for experience and collapsed into tears when I discovered an offer of employment in my inbox.

I’ve made wonderful friends. I’ve had great experiences. I’ve found myself again, and better, I’m reinventing myself. Imagine if I’d given up? Imagine all I’d be missing out on. It’s easy to back out when things get tough. I know, because I’ve done it a million times. It’s easy to return to what’s comfortable, what we know.

It’s important to get comfortable being uncomfortable. Life is uncomfortable sometimes. If it was comfortable all the time, we’d never progress. We’d never learn or grow.

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