What a wonderfully terrifying rollercoaster of craziness that is.
It’s no big secret that I’ve found myself back in the dating game over the past six months, though I can honestly say I made a premature return starting out. I was terrified of being alone. Terrified. I’m not afraid of being alone any more, but I’m totally ready to be independent and be in a relationship if it’s right.
So, with my newfound independence and an open mind I’ve gone out on a handful of dates and I’ve experienced both sides of the “you’re a single mom” reaction spectrum. You see, it’s very different to date when you’re a separated single mom. A horse of a different colour, you might say. I’ve had dates who were so disgusted by the fact that I had a kid that I’m pretty sure they went home and showered with bleach, and I’ve had guys completely overstep the bounds by essentially offering to be F’s dad. WHAT THE WHAT? There have been guys who’d rather pretend that I’m a totally single, never-with-another, no-strings-attached kind of girl and then there’s been a small handful who’ve been um, normal.
I thought maybe, just maybe, I could offer a little insight to all the men out there:
Single moms, like other women, are still people. Individuals. We are more than our pregnancy, breastfeeding, formula, diaper bags and potty training.
We don’t need your help. We don’t need your opinion on dealing with the dad or how to raise our kid(s).
If a Mom introduces you to her kid(s), she likes you. But know this: she’s judging you every second of your first meeting.
You’re never going to be the single most important person in her life, but if you’re lucky you might find yourself in the top two or three.
Be yourself. Discuss your boundaries, how you feel and be open about your expectations. If you’re not feeling it, go. We’re big girls, but don’t drag our kids down the road to heartbreak.