single mom

Five minutes of quiet

Let me begin by saying that I have a really great kid. He’s smart and sweet, funny and considerate, and he’s more polite than a lot of adults I know. He’s also independent and headstrong, things that will serve him well later in life but mostly bring tears and headaches right now.

And today was a day of tears and headaches.

Blame it on the wrong side of the bed, if you will, but F woke up positively hateful this morning. He hated me. He didn’t want to live with me. He slammed doors and stomped his feet and yelled at me before I’d even had a sip of coffee. And then we both cried. We squeaked out of the house just under the time-wire and I felt a wave of relief with a side of guilt when I dropped him off at preschool for the day. I love him to pieces, but by 7:30 am I was exhausted.

I drove to the office, bobbing my head to the music on the radio and thinking about what I needed to do before 4 pm. This week feels long. And then I realized it’s been a week since I saw J. One week ago, a judge signed an order that says that I have full care and custody of F. It’s been a whole week, and yet I feel as though I haven’t had a minute to process it all.

I parked my car, and cut the engine. And then I sat – hands on the wheel and eyes closed, breathing. There were hardly any cars in the car park, and it was so amazingly, wonderfully quiet.

Parenting is hard. Work is hard. Balancing it is hard. Sometimes you just need to sit in your car like a total weirdo while your coworkers park around you, and just be still.

Or you could meditate or take a yoga class. Your choice.

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