Sex. It’s one of those things we don’t often talk about as openly as we should. Sure, we might make a remark to a friend that our partner hasn’t put out lately or maybe we’ll dish on some fancy lingerie but for the most part, sex is one of those things where everybody’s doing it but nobody’s acknowledging it. In my experience, bringing sex into the conversation can be awkward for everyone involved – whether it’s parent to child, partner to partner, or even friends – and that’s when we’re talking about the good stuff.
When it comes to the less-than-glamorous elements of knockin’ boots, we’re not just awkward. We’re completely silent. Tweet
And so it is that pain during sex, vaginal dryness, and other no-fun sexy-time hiccups go unspoken and we ladies go unfulfilled. And ain’t nobody got time for that, gals.
I’ve walked down the Family Planning aisle enough times in my life to have seen the vast array of sexual lubricants available and, thanks to lots of whispers amongst friends over the years, K-Y® Jelly has long been as recognizable a brand to me as Pepsi. We don’t need to ask what it’s all about… but we probably do need to be asking why the fresh hell we’re not using it!
I’d always thought the need for lubricants was for other women – specifically, older women. As a younger woman in my early thirties, I was entirely convinced I didn’t need any help in that department: lubricants, I thought, were for perimenopausal or menopausal women – certainly not for women my age.
That is… until I realized that maybe I *did* need some help in that department.
Between the time I blew out 29 candles and the time I blew out 30, I had several treatments for cervical dysplasia. Those pesky cervical cells just kept causing trouble but I had no idea that long after the abnormal cells were gone, my lady flower would still be feeling less than normal. Instead of simply spitting it out (no pun or weird sexual things intended!) and telling my partner that I was having some issues with dryness that were causing pain, I avoided sex. I’ll let you imagine how far that went towards helping the situation.
Spoiler: It did not help.
Aside from my body’s own hiccup, I added anxiety to the mix and I couldn’t relax enough to get into the mood no matter what. Not exactly a sexy combination. What if my partner thought there was something wrong with him? What if he thought I wasn’t attracted to him?
I finally caved and talked to my partner who thought it outrageous I hadn’t spoken up sooner, laughed a little when I tearfully confessed I thought I might be in perimenopause (I am not), reminded me there’s nothing wrong with me, and we made a quick trip to the pharmacy to pick up a bottle of K-Y® Jelly. We don’t always agree on everything, but we can agree that when date night rolls around the only thing we want dry is the weather and our wine.
I think we can all agree that only wine and weather should be dry on date night… and, ok, maybe the humor, too.
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At my next appointment with my gynecologist, I decided to broach the subject while she was face-first in my vag’ swapping my old IUD for a new one. Lying there in the stirrups, I was shocked to learn exactly how normal vaginal dryness is – in fact, thanks to those fantastic* hormones we have, women may not be primed for their best lubrication for sex for nearly two thirds of the month (based on an average menstrual cycle of 28 days) — so roughly 20 days! Boo, right?
*not fantastic. Quite confusing and trouble-making, actually.
My doctor recommended K-Y® Jelly (as do most other doctors: it’s the number one physician recommended personal lubricant in Canada!) and reiterated that taking control of my body is the best way to feel empowered and enjoy sex. Occasional dryness, be damned!
Aside from sometimes being a sexy-time saver, K-Y® lubricants can add a bit of extra fun, too. A warming lubricant changes the sensations of sex altogether, and the extra lubrication can be quite, ah, “handy” if you know what I mean. My personal favourite, which we’ve dubbed the “bougie” lube, is the K-Y® SENSUAL SILK® PERSONAL LUBRICANT. 11/10 recommend.
Feeling awkward about discussing my body’s needs actually made me feel silly after the fact. I’d never felt uncomfortable to say I need eye drops for dry eye, or use moisturizer for my dry skin, and all this hush-hush about totally normal body quirks makes it harder for us to live our best, fullest, and most healthy lives.
Life is too short for mediocre sex.
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Although I hadn’t anticipated needing lubricant at this stage of my life, recognizing that my body’s needs have changed means I can manage those needs better and enjoy my sex life more. Because, honestly, life’s too short and too stressful to have mediocre sex, ladies.
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