single mom

Drowning Negativity

Quick to anger; Slow to forgive.

Is it human nature, or just my own awful flaw? I have learned the hard way that you can’t give your trust as easily as I once did. I’ve been hurt too many times. It takes time to earn my trust now, a long time. I find myself explosive with anger at the drop of a hat, but it takes time for my temper to be extinguished. I so easily let one bump derail an otherwise wonderful day, but I rarely feel better after a good thing happening on a bad one. And so ends my day today.

My day was super. I hung out in bed with F, my hair co-operated and I even sailed through the traffic lights. Although I had a long wait in construction, the hour-long drive to meet my awesome friend Sarah for lunch was worthwhile. (NOTE: If you need a shower of positivity, check her out at … she’s incredible and I heart her dearly.)We haven’t seen each other since my wedding dance – much too long by any measure, and yet just the right amount of time also. We’ve both had a lot to contend with, big changes, personal issues… it was wonderful to sit and just be. I feel lucky to have formed an immediate friendship with her: an unlikely connection, as we’re from different parts of the country. We met on the first day of Human Services Year One and forged that type of friendship that you only stumble upon a few times in life.

We had a delicious lunch, caught up and shared an absolutely delectable dessert (my thighs are cursing me as I type). I left lunch feeling fantastic, the type of fantastic that only comes from great conversation and company with a good friend. The air was cold but my heart was warm after our goodbye, and as sappy as it sounds, it’s true. There’s nothing in the world like a great friend.

With a positive attitude and a cheerful beat to my step, I hit Walmart to buy an inflatable mattress for the weekend in the new apartment, and then the mall to get Mom’s birthday gift. I was scoring deals left and right, feeling pretty pleased with myself for saving money and getting a great array of goodies for my Mom! Things have just been going so well the last few days! When I stopped at the gas station, gas had gone down 6 cents a litre. HECK YES! I asked for a Deluxe Car Wash and then, very out of character, I bought a Lotto ticket for tomorrow night’s draw. If I win, don’t expect blog posts for a while.

I got a coffee and set on my way home, trying to call my parents all the way. I couldn’t get them on either cell phone so I deduced that they were probably at my old house where there is – gasp – no cell service. I turned down towards the old house and to my luck, there was a line of dump trucks ahead of me. As I drove along thinking of how I’ll spend my lottery winnings I heard a huge SMACK that brought me back to reality quicker than you can say “millionaire”.

There it was. A big, fuck-off spall on my windshield. Really universe? Really? You couldn’t let me have one awesome week?

Well, shit. Now I have a big spall in my windshield to go with the quarter dozen small spalls I already had to contend with – yay living in the sticks during construction season. FML. I spewed out a handful of hateful cursewords, many starting with “c” and “f”. I pulled over, fuming.

In reality, that spall isn’t that big a deal. I’m not hurt, my car is still driveable and there’s still a miniscule chance that I’ll be a millionare tomorrow night. I let a fabulous day be completely washed away with negativity. I ruined my own good mood by letting it get to me. In the future, I really hope I can avoid that. Shitty things happen, it’s a fact. You spill coffee on your white jacket, get the hiccups in an interview and a massive pimple before a big date. It happens. It’s going to happen. No amount of being pissed off is going to solve it, and I need to remember that.

In the meantime, should you be looking for me, I’ll be drinking a big glass of wine to celebrate the new chapter in my life tomorrow, praying for a winning lotto ticket and drowning that negativity that completely effed up my day.



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