2016 · single mom

on valentines and clothes with the tags still on

Today, thanks to Kate and the Halifax Hurricanes, I took F to his first ever basketball game. It was the perfect way to spend Valentine’s Day, really, because there was basketball, beer and popcorn. What more does a girl need? Oh yeah, badass women. I had those too. (Lookin’ at you, Kate and Laura!)

When we came home from the game – after a quick trip to get some goodies at Superstore – F and I retreated to our rooms and I spent a bit of time looking through my closet, cursing the cold weather outside, and contemplating how to wear certain things in my closet. You know, like the pants that have literally hung on the same hanger for two years with the tags still on. The ones that have hung in four closets. The ones that I was convinced I was getting a great deal on when I saw them at the Banana Republic Outlet store for $14.94 – so I bought them in black and grey. The ones that I bought because I thought owning them would somehow make me happier.

And it was about then that it hit me: Even though I don’t consider myself to be materialistic (really, I live a pretty simple life), I’ve looked for happiness, or, at least, calm in a shopping bag or seven. Like how I’ve picked up a new nail polish because a pretty new bottle of nail polish actually can spruce up my mood.

The day I bought the pants in question, I’d just found out that I didn’t have a serious medical issue. There’s a beautiful dress in my closet that I bought after a breakup. Post-breakup shoes? Yep, those too. Jewelry? Mhmm. There are skirts  and the shirts I bought for interviews because confidence needed buying. I have a gorgeous Fossil watch that I bought one time I was sick. Stupid? Yep. And yet it works. Until I realize that I have a closet full of  unworn things I bought because they seemed necessary in the moment.

Ironically, as I was peeking through baskets on the top shelf I happened upon a scarf I didn’t even realize I had. The scarf says Happiness: (n)Satisfaction when you put on clothes right from the shop over and over. I remember seeing it in the store. I remember loving it. I remember feeling conflicted over buying it because did I really need another scarf? Clearly not. It’s been sitting in my closet since August. And the tag was still firmly attached.

(And I just got hummus on it because genius.)(Before I even wore it.)(Fuck.)




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